How to Help Your Child with Math Without Losing Your Temper
You're Not a Bad Parent
If you've yelled during math homework, you're in good company. It's one of the most common parenting frustrations. But it's also fixable.
Why Math Brings Out the Worst in Us
It feels urgent: "They NEED to know this for the test tomorrow!"
It seems obvious to you: "This is just 3+4! Why is this hard?"
You feel helpless: You want to fix it but can't make them understand.
Past trauma surfaces: Maybe you hated math too. Those feelings come back.
End of day exhaustion: You're both tired and have zero reserves.
What Yelling Actually Does
When you yell or show frustration:
- Your child's stress hormones spike
- Learning literally stops (brain goes into defense mode)
- They associate math with fear and conflict
- They become less likely to ask for help next time
- The same problem will happen again tomorrow
Yelling doesn't work. It makes things worse.
The Pause Before You Snap
When you feel frustration rising:
- Notice the physical signs: Jaw clenching, voice getting louder, chest tightening
- Stop before you speak: The next words out of your mouth will either help or hurt
- Take a breath: Literally. Deep breath. Exhale slowly.
- Step away if needed: "Let me get a glass of water. I'll be right back."
It's okay to pause. Model emotional regulation.
Phrases That Help
Instead of | Try -----------|---- "This is easy!" | "This is tricky. Let's work through it." "You're not trying!" | "I can see you're frustrated. Let's take a different approach." "How do you not know this?" | "What part is confusing? Let's start there." "I've explained this 10 times!" | "We're stuck. Let's look at it a different way." "Just focus!" | "Let's take a short break and come back fresh."
Set Yourself Up for Success
Better timing: Not when you're stressed. Not when they're starving. Not at bedtime.
Limited involvement: Be available but not hovering. They should try first.
Know your limits: If you can't explain it calmly, find someone who can (video, tutor, other parent).
Lower the stakes: One math problem will not determine their future. It's okay if it's not perfect tonight.
When It's Okay to Walk Away
Some nights, it's just not going to happen. Walking away is better than exploding.
- "We've tried long enough tonight. Let's stop."
- "This can wait until tomorrow when we're both fresh."
- "I think you need help from your teacher on this one."
It's okay to quit before it gets ugly.
Address Underlying Issues
If every night is a battle:
They may have gaps: The frustration is because they genuinely can't do it. Find the gaps and fill them with low-stakes practice.
They may have anxiety: The fear is blocking their ability to think. Reduce pressure.
The homework may be too hard: Talk to the teacher. This shouldn't be torture.
They may need different support: A tutor, older sibling, or homework club might work better than parent help.
Build Skills Outside of Homework
The best time to practice math is NOT during homework. Use our free practice tools for low-pressure skill building.
When they're stronger at the basics, homework goes faster. When homework goes faster, everyone's happier.
Remember the Long Game
One night's homework doesn't matter. What matters:
- Your relationship with your child
- Their relationship with learning
- Building confidence, not tearing it down
If you lose your temper tonight, apologize. Tomorrow's a new day. You're both learning.